Standstill.

Y’noe what,

Nothing should matter at this point. Not how much you want to be there, or how much you care, or how much you think you might be missed, or how much you wish you could be a part of his music, an integral piece in his journey. The point very simply is:

He didn’t ask you.

And he should. He should have explicitly requested your presence, if you were that important. You at least afford that amount of respect, that little ounce of recognition for hours talking him through how he should steward his finances and invest in his craft; for all the times you’ve silently willed with all your might that the floodgates of inspiration may be opened; that one day, he would finally discover that he has a far greater story to tell than one that just revolves around another single human being.

But the truth of the matter is simply – He doesn’t want to let you in, you simply have no jurisdiction in that all-important part of his life.

Even though you’ve tried. Oh, God knows you’ve tried.

So pray now, pray for your life, pray your darndest. Pray for strength to stand tall and upright, pray for peace to fall asleep at night, pray for wisdom to carry yourself through tomorrow. Do not succumb to tears. Do not fall back into the throes of despair and crumble to weakness. Take it, accept it now, as a reality. At this point, there are more pertinent issues that hang in the balance. Issues that demand your resource and head-space. Be present to the people that are here. Be attentive to what He is trying to get through to you. Be receptive to the lessons that are surely, albeit harshly revealing themselves to you.

It’ll be alright. You will get over this. Happiness is still possible.

Love,
Me.